Have Modern Women Been Martyred?

An exploration of the capitalism-fueled binary that birthed the trad wife.

Feb 04, 2025

Sometimes, in the quiet hours between my last email and my first morning meeting, I dream of a different world. Not the carefully curated fantasy of nuclear perfection that floods our feeds, but something wilder—a world where we aren't all so goddamn tired of trying to be everything at once.

A world where desire rises from the depths of our own hearts instead of algorithms telling us what our lives should (or shouldn’t) look like.

But my dreams often fracture in the silence of witching hour, when the weight of another day's hustle presses against my chest and I stare at my phone. My thumb hovers over pictures of women who claim they've found the answer in stepping backwards.

I fight back the urge to comment while swallowing back centuries of rage, thinking of all the women who fought and bled and died so we could have the right to dream of working at all.

In these moments, I hold my tongue not out of agreement, but out of a deeper understanding: that feminism's greatest challenge isn't just fighting patriarchy—it's fighting the temptation to trade one cage for another when we're all too tired to keep flying.

The Weight of Modern Womanhood

Let's be honest: we're fucking exhausted. We're drowning in student debt, watching our rent climb higher than our paychecks, and trying to convince ourselves that if we just hustle a little harder, work a little longer, maybe we'll finally get ahead.

The American Dream feels more like an American Fever Dream.

And somewhere between your third coffee and your second job, you've probably caught yourself scrolling through #tradwife content, thinking: "Damn, maybe they've got it figured out."

I get it. I've been there.

When you're burning out from sixty-hour work weeks and still can't afford a house, those cottagecore Instagram feeds start looking like salvation. Beautiful women in flowing dresses, making bread from scratch, their whole existence seemingly wrapped in a filter of peaceful domesticity.

No more performance reviews. No more grinding yourself to dust trying to climb a corporate ladder that feels increasingly rickety. Just a simple life, supported by a husband who "provides."

It's seductive as hell.

But here's what we need to talk about: This isn't just about individual choices.

It's about the complex web of social conditioning, economic pressures, and historical context that shapes those choices.

When we hear women proudly declare they weren’t born to work, but rather, were "born to be wives and mothers," we need to ask ourselves: How much of this is genuine desire, and how much is pure exhaustion with a system that was never built for us in the first place?

The Real Problem

The challenge isn't about judging choices. That's not what feminism is about. And it’s certainly not what I endorse. It's about recognizing how these choices exist within complex systems of power and privilege.

We're not tired because we're working. We're tired because we're working in a system that demands everything and gives back crumbs.

So, the answer isn't to retreat into traditional roles. To trade one system’s crippling oppression for another. To be forced into a box. It's to question why we're all so desperate for escape in the first place.

The Truth About Rest

The truth is, there's nothing wrong with wanting rest. There's nothing wrong with craving a simpler life or wanting to focus on home and family.

But when "simple" means becoming financially dependent on someone else, when "traditional" means giving up your autonomy, we're not actually solving the problem.

We're just shifting the weight of it onto different shoulders.

Exhaustion Is Capitalism’s Favorite Means of Suppression

Here's the thing about exhaustion: it makes binary thinking look appealing. But the reality is messier—way messier.

We can want rest without wanting rescue. We can dream of a simpler life without surrendering to a system that profits from our submission. The problem isn't that some women choose traditional paths.

The problem is that we're all choosing our paths while running on empty.

The Impossible Standards

Modern womanhood is a hell of a tightrope walk.

Be ambitious, but not threatening. Be independent, but always available. Be successful, but never more successful than him. Be feminine, but not weak. Be everything, but never too much. (Thanks, America Ferreira and Barbie.)

No wonder some of us are ready to jump ship. No wonder the promise of simplicity feels like a life raft.

But here's what keeps me up at night: What if we're asking the wrong questions? What if instead of asking "Should I lean in or opt out?" we asked "Why are these our only options?"

What if instead of debating the merits of career vs. homemaking, we questioned why both choices leave so many of us feeling trapped?

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The Path Forward

The solution isn't in judging women who choose tradition. God knows we're all just trying to survive.

The solution is in fighting for a world where rest isn't a luxury. Where "having it all" doesn't mean doing it all. Where choosing to be home with your kids doesn't mean risking your financial security. Where choosing to pursue a career doesn't mean sacrificing your soul to capitalism.

The most radical thing is refuse to choose between two different types of exhaustion. Demanding a world where we don't have to trade one form of dependency for another.

The Work Ahead

So here's what I propose:

Let's be gentle with each other's choices while being ruthless with the systems that limit them.

Let's acknowledge that wanting rest is valid—and then fight like hell to make rest accessible to everyone.

Let's create a world where "traditional" isn't code for "trapped" and "modern" isn't code for "martyred."

Because the truth is, we're not tired because we're reaching for too much. We're tired because we've been given too little.

And that's what needs to change.