Rewriting Our Relationship with Self
Someone recently asked me about the mindset shifts that have transformed my relationship with myself, and it got me thinking about something deeper than just habits and routines. It got me thinking about the quiet revolution that happens when we start viewing our relationship with ourselves not as a project to perfect, but as a space to expand into.
Here's what I mean.
We live in a world that's constantly trying to compress us into smaller versions of ourselves. That we need to be more disciplined, more productive, more everything—yet somehow also less. Less messy. Less human. Less real.
That we need to be these perfectly curated versions of ourselves who can run a company, maintain a thriving creative practice, nurture deep relationships, and somehow still find time to do all the "right" things for our mental and physical well-being.
And when the weight of these expectations becomes too crushing, we turn to whatever helps us cope: maybe it's that extra glass of wine after work, or mindlessly scrolling through social media until 2 AM, or pushing ourselves through punishing routines as some form of penance for not being "enough."
I've been there. I've done that. And I've learned that there's another way—a way of expansion rather than contraction.
The Revolution Begins With Unlearning
The first and perhaps most transformative mindset shift I've experienced wasn't about what I needed to add to my life—it was about what I needed to let go of.
Every time we release an old belief that no longer serves us, we create space for something new to flourish.
I had to unlearn the belief that my worth was tied to my productivity. I had to release the idea that self-improvement was about achieving a certain lifestyle rather than cultivating a certain feeling. I had to abandon the notion that I needed to transform my entire life overnight.
Instead, I learned to listen.
To pay attention to how my body and mind feel when I wake up in the morning, what they need on any given day, and how they respond to different forms of care and nourishment.
This vessel of consciousness that carries me through every moment—through creative breakthroughs and writer's block, through joy and heartbreak, through trauma and hardship—deserves to be treated as an ally, not an adversary.
The Power of Small Steps and Slow Growth
Here's something that might surprise you: the most sustainable changes in my life didn't come from grand gestures or complete lifestyle overhauls. They came from tiny moments of expansion, small choices to take up more space in my own life.
It started with committing to just three moments of intentional self-care a week—whatever that meant on any given day. Sometimes that meant journaling because I needed to process my thoughts. Other times it meant going for a walk in nature because my soul was craving connection with something bigger than my to-do list. Many times, it meant carving out time to read, or watch a movie, or call a friend.
These weren't indulgences—they were investments in having something genuine to bring to the table later.
Breaking Free from the External Measures
One of the most liberating shifts was moving away from measuring success in external metrics—whether that's word count, social media engagement, or checking boxes on a self-improvement list—and instead measuring it in feelings of expansion:
How's my creative energy flowing?
How's my relationship with silence and solitude?
How's my ability to handle life's inevitable plot twists?
How's my connection with myself and others?
How's my mental clarity and emotional stability?
This shift transforms personal growth from a checkbox exercise into an exploration of how much more spacious our lives can become.
It's about creating a foundation of habits that support the life we want to expand into, not just the achievements we want to collect.
The Reality of Sustainable Change
Here's the truth about sustainable change: it's not about becoming a different person—it's about becoming more fully yourself. It's not about shrinking to fit into someone else's expectations, but about gradually expanding into all the rooms of your own house.
It's about understanding that some days you'll feel like a creative force ready to write chapters upon chapters, and other days you'll barely have the energy to write in your journal—and both are equally valid ways of occupying your space in the world.
Practical Steps for Your Own Revolution
If you're ready to start your own gentle revolution, here's how to begin:
Start with one small act of taking up space. Something so simple it almost feels too easy. Maybe it's five minutes of morning meditation, or writing three sentences in your journal, or stepping outside to feel the sun on your face during lunch.
Do this three times a week for a month.
Listen to your inner feedback. Notice not what you did, but how you felt as you allowed yourself to expand into these moments. This builds self-awareness and helps you identify patterns in your energy, mood, and overall wellbeing.
Only when this first practice feels as natural as breathing, add another small expansion.
Remember: we're not trying to overhaul our entire lives overnight. We're creating more space for ourselves to exist fully.
The Bigger Picture
This journey isn't just about self-improvement—it's about reclaiming our relationship with ourselves in a world that profits from our self-doubt.
It's about understanding that true growth isn't measured by how much we can produce or how perfectly we can perform, but by how fully we can allow ourselves to exist.
It's about creating a life that feels expansive from the inside out, not just one that looks good on paper or on Instagram.
And most importantly, it's about understanding that this journey is circular, not linear. There's no finish line to cross, no ultimate state of perfection to achieve.
There's just this ongoing conversation with ourselves, getting a little bit clearer, a little bit kinder, a little bit stronger every day.
It's not about shrinking to fit into someone else's expectations, but about gradually expanding into all the rooms of your own house. - This hit me in the chest 🙏🏽 I was literally having this conversation with my friend last night and now here you are with that entire conversation in poetic form 😇 My 3 daily choices are morning journalling (before I even get out of bed), a 30 min walk, and daily scrapbooking 👐🏽 Creativity & nature are my healers ♥️