Thank you so much for sharing this. I felt this so so deeply. This was so raw, vulnerable, and beautifully written.
I lost all my friendships because of chronic illness (or politics that actively harm me) and don’t really have a way of making new friends because I’m immunocompromised. It’s such a hard place to be, but reading this was very therapeutic as I heal from the broken friendships.
I'm tearing up. thank you so much for writing this. I didn't know how much I needed your words until I read them. I lost three of my closest friends in the past year of my life, and I'm still grieving the memories. it feels like I'm not whole without them bringing up memories and dates and people I've long forgotten, them holding tight the string of my becoming. I long to reminisce with them. but I'm not sure we'll ever talk again. it hurts so deeply, and I really needed this to remind me that it is possible and normal and safe to grieve this out loud.
I semi recently wrote about this same exact thing and it’s so crazy how nobody talks about it??? But yes, it was as bad as a real breakup and it left me questioning so much like, I had dreams about it and I’d wake up upset again. But in general I do feel like there is a turnover in friendships that happen to women when we’re around 30, due to differences in lifestyles and other such changes and it’s not uncommon… but still hurts.
My heart is with you, sister. Reading your words touched something deep and brought such clarity to some of the friendship losses I've been carrying. Those 'aha moments' you sparked were exactly what I needed to begin healing those old wounds. I especially loved bringing terms to it like ‘we grew apart, the relationship ended - these are gold! Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey so openly. Your vulnerability created space for my own healing. Sending waves of love and gratitude back to you for opening your heart in this way. Your words were truly a gift. ❤️
I needed to read this this morning. I’ve had three major, long term friendships end over the past 6 or so years and it’s hard not to take it personally when everyone else seems to have such solid circles even into their 30s and beyond (or at least romantic partnership to cushion the blow). Thank you for writing it, gorgeously put.
My person, passed away. I'm sorry for your loss, it is just as real & just as unfathomable. Grief is a companion for so many things that play out in our lives, but many do not recognize. Thank you for writing this one.
My greatest heartbreaks, I think. You're right that friendship loss is hardly acknowledged, yet I think many people have lost friends over politics. Would you believe!?
I can definitely believe in losing friends over politics! In fact I’d think that was as valid a reason as any. Sadly in my life it’s usually been over men, which truly seems a shame.
Yes, this needs to be talked about more & I’m so glad you wrote about it. I recently lost a friendship that developed in my 30s and 10 years later, it’s over, for reasons I’m still not completely sure about. It’s so painful.
This is so real. Friendships break up and require grief just like any other relationship...
I was 27 when I started university and my two bffs throughout were insecure 19yo girls who had heavy pasts from bullying and feeling inferior. Being the older girl with different problems at that point in my life, I gave a lot of time and love to those girls. However, apparently their insecurities clashed with my confidence and they chose to ambush me and group dump me (during exams, no less).
That might have been the first time in my life that I actually stood up for myself and told them I wasn't going to change fundamental parts of who I was just for them. I haven't spoken to either of them since.
One of them was so baselessly awful to me that losing her didn't matter, but the other one hurt enough that it felt like a genuine break-up. She and I had been bffs for about 2.5 years at that point.
Fortunately, she did introduce me to my all-time favorite breakup song...
Thank you so much for sharing this. I felt this so so deeply. This was so raw, vulnerable, and beautifully written.
I lost all my friendships because of chronic illness (or politics that actively harm me) and don’t really have a way of making new friends because I’m immunocompromised. It’s such a hard place to be, but reading this was very therapeutic as I heal from the broken friendships.
I'm so glad this found you when you needed it. You will always have a friend in me and my words! 🫶🏻
This is something I plan on writing about on my Substack as well. The sense of loss without closure and the pressure to get over it quickly.
I'm tearing up. thank you so much for writing this. I didn't know how much I needed your words until I read them. I lost three of my closest friends in the past year of my life, and I'm still grieving the memories. it feels like I'm not whole without them bringing up memories and dates and people I've long forgotten, them holding tight the string of my becoming. I long to reminisce with them. but I'm not sure we'll ever talk again. it hurts so deeply, and I really needed this to remind me that it is possible and normal and safe to grieve this out loud.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and sharing such a vulnerable pierce of your story with me. We are in this TOGETHER. 🫂
we so are!!! thank you and you're welcome!!! I actually ended up posting a response piece if you'd like to check it out!!
https://open.substack.com/pub/thehermitsanarchy/p/today-im-grieving?r=53j7st&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
I semi recently wrote about this same exact thing and it’s so crazy how nobody talks about it??? But yes, it was as bad as a real breakup and it left me questioning so much like, I had dreams about it and I’d wake up upset again. But in general I do feel like there is a turnover in friendships that happen to women when we’re around 30, due to differences in lifestyles and other such changes and it’s not uncommon… but still hurts.
My heart is with you, sister. Reading your words touched something deep and brought such clarity to some of the friendship losses I've been carrying. Those 'aha moments' you sparked were exactly what I needed to begin healing those old wounds. I especially loved bringing terms to it like ‘we grew apart, the relationship ended - these are gold! Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey so openly. Your vulnerability created space for my own healing. Sending waves of love and gratitude back to you for opening your heart in this way. Your words were truly a gift. ❤️
I'm so glad these words found you. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave such a positive note for me. 🫶🏻
I needed to read this this morning. I’ve had three major, long term friendships end over the past 6 or so years and it’s hard not to take it personally when everyone else seems to have such solid circles even into their 30s and beyond (or at least romantic partnership to cushion the blow). Thank you for writing it, gorgeously put.
Totally. I'm glad this found you. 🫶🏻
So good. So honest. Thank you
Thank YOU for reading 🫶🏻
🔥🔥🔥
I recently lost a friendship and it really has been hard. For me, what’s toughest is realizing that maybe we never were as close as I thought.
It’s something I’ve been needing to write about actually, but I am absolutely avoiding it.
This piece captured the ending of friendships so beautifully. It's so nice to hear how well others understand it.
Thank you Ella ☺️
Thank you for this ♥️ really well written. Have been grieving this myself for over a year — so nice to be seen.
I'm so glad this found you at the right time 🫶🏻
My person, passed away. I'm sorry for your loss, it is just as real & just as unfathomable. Grief is a companion for so many things that play out in our lives, but many do not recognize. Thank you for writing this one.
Thank YOU for reading 🫶🏻
My greatest heartbreaks, I think. You're right that friendship loss is hardly acknowledged, yet I think many people have lost friends over politics. Would you believe!?
I can definitely believe in losing friends over politics! In fact I’d think that was as valid a reason as any. Sadly in my life it’s usually been over men, which truly seems a shame.
I do think it's horribly painful, whatever the reason. Good that you're drawing attention to it.
Oh, I didn’t write it! Just in the comments after reading haha
whoops!
Totally. 🤎
Yes, this needs to be talked about more & I’m so glad you wrote about it. I recently lost a friendship that developed in my 30s and 10 years later, it’s over, for reasons I’m still not completely sure about. It’s so painful.
This is so real. Friendships break up and require grief just like any other relationship...
I was 27 when I started university and my two bffs throughout were insecure 19yo girls who had heavy pasts from bullying and feeling inferior. Being the older girl with different problems at that point in my life, I gave a lot of time and love to those girls. However, apparently their insecurities clashed with my confidence and they chose to ambush me and group dump me (during exams, no less).
That might have been the first time in my life that I actually stood up for myself and told them I wasn't going to change fundamental parts of who I was just for them. I haven't spoken to either of them since.
One of them was so baselessly awful to me that losing her didn't matter, but the other one hurt enough that it felt like a genuine break-up. She and I had been bffs for about 2.5 years at that point.
Fortunately, she did introduce me to my all-time favorite breakup song...
https://youtu.be/OUe3oVlxLSA?si=15ZKhyLl9RdP3olw